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Quick and Snappy Valentines Jokes
What did the stamp say to the Valentine envelope?
Stick with me and we'll go places
What do squirrels give for Valentine's Day?
Forget-me-nuts.
What do farmers give their wives on Valentine's Day?
Hogs and Kisses!
What did the caveman give his wife on Valentine's Day?
Ughs and kisses
What vows to Owls take when they get married?
Owl be Yours!
Who do birds marry?
Their Tweet hearts
What would you have if everyone drove a Red car?
A red car-nantion!
What type of flowers should you never give on Valentines day?
Cauliflowers
What did the boy lightbulb say to the girl lightbulb?
I Love you watts and watts!
Why did the banana go out with the prune?
Because it couldn't get a date.
If your Aunt ran off to get married, what would you call her?
Antelope
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A Thoughtful Valentine's Day Gift
Jim asked his friend, Tony, whether he had bought his wife anything for Valentine's Day.
'Yes,' came the answer from Tony who was a bit of a chauvinist, 'I've bought her a belt and a bag.'
'That was very kind of you,' Jim added, 'I hope she appreciated the thought.'
Tony smiled as he replied, 'So do I, and hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work better now.'
A Valentines Dream
A young woman was taking an afternoon nap. After she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?"
"You'll know tonight." he said.
That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it--only to find a book entitled "The meaning of dreams".
Wrong Finger
Boring husband: Honey, why are you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?
Bored wife: Because I married the wrong man!
Can't be Your Valentine
Girl: I can't be your valentine for medical reasons.
Boy: Really?
Girl: Yeah, you make me sick!
Knock knock Valentines Jokes
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Howard
Howard who?
Howard you like a big kiss this Valentines?
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Olive
Olive Who?
Olive You!
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Sherwood
Sherwood who?
Sherwood like to be your valentine!
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